I’ve been looking forward to this road trip all summer and… it did not disappoint!! Correction: GOD did not disappoint! =D
I was just super excited and didn’t make an effort to contain it. When someone made a comment saying I seemed to have really high expectations for the trip, it was good accountability. It made me think about whether my heart was in the right place and what I truly expected of the trip. One of my prayers coming back to Seattle was to not be clouded by my own expectations of where this fellowship at cbc is spiritually. I recognize that it’s not about my own timing and expectations, but it’s all according to His. However, I think it’s important to have biblical expectations too, aka faith.
God was just so good throughout this trip. There was a short period where I had my doubts, but I was just so blessed by how God has worked in this group of people. I already see so much fruit and breakthroughs. I see passion and it’s so so exciting!!! It’s been dry for so long, but God has chosen this generation to bring a revival.
Memorable experiences occurred on this trip for sure:
- small group (Matthew 2:37-40)
- getting lost on the way to the beach
- volleyball bruises + concentration game
- car connect
- friendship bracelets
- breakfast baking
- extended worship/prayer
- shooting stars
I should have known better when I thought that I was going to have plenty of downtime and R&R in Seattle. It’s about halfway through my time home and it feels like it’s going by way too quickly! It was probably unwise for me to pack my schedule the way I did. Literally, the first week back, I was doing something everyday. What have I done?
- volunteer at VBS
- visit the museum of flight
- went on a Seattle scavenger hunt
- crashed worship practice
- grocery shopped a lot
- cooked (haven’t baked yet though *gasp)
- went on a road trip to washington coast
- met up with people
- yelped new restaurants
- participated on a panel
- visited Gates Foundation
- planned for small groups for cbc’s young adult retreat
And these are all things that I bring upon myself because my default personality is to do things, to fill my time, and make the most of it. I get antsy not doing something, and that’s the Martha spirit in me. But frankly, I also realized that I was starving myself from quality alone time. I was getting pretty tired and knew that it was time to fill from the Lord again.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:5
Cups ~Anna Kendrick
TODAY CONCLUDES THE END OF MY ER EXTERNSHIP. PRAISEEEEEEE GOD!!!!!
In case you can’t tell, I’m really happy. and excited to be home in less than 48 hours.
My personality was built to be very detailed oriented in most aspects of life. I really can’t help but notice a lot of things. God gifted me a way of being able to understand people. Relative to others, I notice quickly when someone is upset, bothered, frustrated, uncomfortable, nervous, etc. Sometimes it’s tiring having the knowledge and I’d rather not notice. Ignorance can be bliss.
In healthcare, this gift of being sensitive and observant is very helpful.
The Chest Tube Insertion
The first time I saw a chest tube insertion for a pleural effusion (fluid build-up between the tissues of the lung and chest cavity), there were six people in the room. Two doctors, one resident, two nurses and me. The procedure only really required one main doctor, so everyone else observed. He explained the technique mainly to the resident and at some point he briefly mentioned fluid drainage should not exceed a liter. He then numbs the patient’s flesh. He makes a cut. “OW.” A fluid resembling diluted red-orange juice gushes out, as the surgeon scrambled to insert the chest tube to divert the flow into the drainage box. The fluid is channeled nicely into the square box that measures the output. The surgeon then resumes his procedure by showing the resident how to properly suture the tube in place. All the while, I’m thinking, the fluid is still flowing, flowing, flowing. The box is labeled in cc’s. Hmm… wait I thought 1000 cc’s are in a liter. Wait, is it? I ask the nurse next to me quietly how many cc’s are in a liter. She didn’t know… The surgeon looked up and asked what my question was, then answered 1000 cc. To which then I quickly point out that the fluid is well approaching 1500 cc with still a strong flow. In a split second, he went from being a calm confident doctor to someone who threw up his hands losing composure and scrambling to clamp the tube. He was wearing a face mask, but I could tell his eyes flickered from brief panic to relief.
Why do I doubt myself so much?
I’ve been so lost with my thoughts that people actually think I have lost my hearing this summer… =(
Literally, “Connie, I think you need your hearing checked.”
Yup, I’ve been a space cadet.
At first it was unintentional scheduled, but then I decided to go with it. Why not? I’m young. How hard can I push myself? Where’s my limit?
Five nursing shifts in a row.
Five 12-13 hour days.
By numbers it really doesn’t sound impressive. I have plenty of friends in the business industry who work longer hours and their work is demanding and stressful in its own way. However, nursing work entails a very unique type of stress. It demands perfection and a constant state of hyper vigilance.
Five nursing shifts in a row is exhausting. Each nursing shift sucks quite a bit of energy. You’re on your feet for 12 hours and attending to the needs of human beings, which can range from warm blankets, meds, diaper change (from an older adult), EKG, blood work to CPR. When there’s a new patient, you have to be ready for anything. It’s physically tiring, but it can also be emotionally and mentally draining. Experiencing moral distress is not uncommon. Nursing is just a constant give, give, give.
I survived this shift streak to write this blog, but I would not say I’d intentionally sign up again. I managed well, but boy did it require some recovery time.
What is a better stimulant than caffeine at 6:45 am after a restless night?
Walking into a room where CPR is in progress and again, you barely have time to think “oh no.”
No, it’s not panic, but calm, collected, fast paced go go GO. It’s incredible how the mind can go from being half awake to maximum capacity of alertness.
What can I do? What do I need to anticipate? He asked for epi. Go get the epi. He’ll need flushes. Flushes in hand. Pharmacist is here with IV meds. They need a pump. Find tubing. Grab supplies from another patient’s room while concealing the urgency. Assemble the bicarb. Page the cardiologist. Find tubing. More flushes. Observe. Pray. Oh crap, don’t call me to do CPR. Count. Breathless. I should have worked out more. Clear. Shock. Patient flails. Is there a pulse? pulse? pulse? Is he going to live? God, what’s your plan? Just let the healing process begin..whatever that may mean.
Something like that runs through my head.
I am so sheepish to say that even though I have been a Christian for many years, I have not read through the entire Bible.
I have tried, but something always came up and I followed a different reading plan. Or it was too much and I figured I wouldn’t understand everything anyway.
Whatever the excuse, it’s about time. Today, I printed off a one year Bible reading plan. I figured I’ll read it at my own pace, but having a tangible piece of paper for me to cross off passages will be a good reminder.
Please keep me accountable!
Frankly, I don’t remember myself ever being this reflective ever in my life. Then again, I don’t remember a lot of things. I guess, this is why this tumblr still exists and I still hope to capture the glimpses of life I’m sure to otherwise forget.
Seriously, this summer has been nothing but reflection and thinking and pondering and just thoughts overload. It’s as if I have suppressed them all last year and it’s just an outpouring. Even a solid two months into this summer, I still am not bored with my thoughts. At the rate that these thoughts pass by, I don’t even bother attempting to blog or journal them all.
What do I think about? Everything under the sky. I mean, there’s not one category my thoughts fall under but Connie’s thoughts. Some of it is about my four years of college. Some of it is on past experiences. Others are about my upcoming limbo young adult year. Then I try to think about what my life might look like in 5 years. Then I get distressed over how I don’t know and won’t know. I think about encounters with people. I think about my relationships with people. My friends. My family. A big bulk of my thoughts are just on who I am (because only God knows who I am). And I’m still trying to figure it all out. Emphasis on trying. It’s these reflective phases when I realize how little I know about the world and God, how little I comprehend God’s ways, how little I know about myself.
I can’t quite tell you why I am in this state of reflection. My best guess is that I have some downtime and for once, I’m in neither of my home cities. Alone time is healthy though. I suspect this introspection is good for me.
"What is the meaning of life?"
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