At first it was unintentional scheduled, but then I decided to go with it. Why not? I’m young. How hard can I push myself? Where’s my limit?
Five nursing shifts in a row.
Five 12-13 hour days.
By numbers it really doesn’t sound impressive. I have plenty of friends in the business industry who work longer hours and their work is demanding and stressful in its own way. However, nursing work entails a very unique type of stress. It demands perfection and a constant state of hyper vigilance.
Five nursing shifts in a row is exhausting. Each nursing shift sucks quite a bit of energy. You’re on your feet for 12 hours and attending to the needs of human beings, which can range from warm blankets, meds, diaper change (from an older adult), EKG, blood work to CPR. When there’s a new patient, you have to be ready for anything. It’s physically tiring, but it can also be emotionally and mentally draining. Experiencing moral distress is not uncommon. Nursing is just a constant give, give, give.
I survived this shift streak to write this blog, but I would not say I’d intentionally sign up again. I managed well, but boy did it require some recovery time.
What is a better stimulant than caffeine at 6:45 am after a restless night?
Walking into a room where CPR is in progress and again, you barely have time to think “oh no.”
No, it’s not panic, but calm, collected, fast paced go go GO. It’s incredible how the mind can go from being half awake to maximum capacity of alertness.
What can I do? What do I need to anticipate? He asked for epi. Go get the epi. He’ll need flushes. Flushes in hand. Pharmacist is here with IV meds. They need a pump. Find tubing. Grab supplies from another patient’s room while concealing the urgency. Assemble the bicarb. Page the cardiologist. Find tubing. More flushes. Observe. Pray. Oh crap, don’t call me to do CPR. Count. Breathless. I should have worked out more. Clear. Shock. Patient flails. Is there a pulse? pulse? pulse? Is he going to live? God, what’s your plan? Just let the healing process begin..whatever that may mean.
Something like that runs through my head.
I am so sheepish to say that even though I have been a Christian for many years, I have not read through the entire Bible.
I have tried, but something always came up and I followed a different reading plan. Or it was too much and I figured I wouldn’t understand everything anyway.
Whatever the excuse, it’s about time. Today, I printed off a one year Bible reading plan. I figured I’ll read it at my own pace, but having a tangible piece of paper for me to cross off passages will be a good reminder.
Please keep me accountable!
Frankly, I don’t remember myself ever being this reflective ever in my life. Then again, I don’t remember a lot of things. I guess, this is why this tumblr still exists and I still hope to capture the glimpses of life I’m sure to otherwise forget.
Seriously, this summer has been nothing but reflection and thinking and pondering and just thoughts overload. It’s as if I have suppressed them all last year and it’s just an outpouring. Even a solid two months into this summer, I still am not bored with my thoughts. At the rate that these thoughts pass by, I don’t even bother attempting to blog or journal them all.
What do I think about? Everything under the sky. I mean, there’s not one category my thoughts fall under but Connie’s thoughts. Some of it is about my four years of college. Some of it is on past experiences. Others are about my upcoming limbo young adult year. Then I try to think about what my life might look like in 5 years. Then I get distressed over how I don’t know and won’t know. I think about encounters with people. I think about my relationships with people. My friends. My family. A big bulk of my thoughts are just on who I am (because only God knows who I am). And I’m still trying to figure it all out. Emphasis on trying. It’s these reflective phases when I realize how little I know about the world and God, how little I comprehend God’s ways, how little I know about myself.
I can’t quite tell you why I am in this state of reflection. My best guess is that I have some downtime and for once, I’m in neither of my home cities. Alone time is healthy though. I suspect this introspection is good for me.
"What is the meaning of life?"
I learned today that there’s such a thing as Type C and Type D personalities. I’ve really only heard of Type A and B, but I guess Type C and D are not as desirable? (http://www.2knowmyself.com/a_b_c_d_personality_type)
Whatever the case, I don’t like being categorized because it’s never that simple. We tend to miss out on a lot when we label people and pretend we know who they are.
12 hour shifts suck because you can’t exactly give yourself a break whenever you want it. When I’m a student with the sole job of studying, I have the freedom to take a facebook break, snack whatever/whenever, chat with a friend, or take a nap. The required length of attention span is usually just the duration of my longest class. Now, during real life work (applying to other professions as well), there’s very little flexibility…
It just really sucked when I started feeling sick during the second half of one of my shifts. I was able to tolerate the throbbing headache for a good 5-6 hours, but then there was nausea…and then it was game over. I couldn’t even stomach the water and ibuprofen I took.
Clocked out early.
End of day.
My college roomie and I had a mini reunion over google hangout earlier in the summer and we decided it’d be fun to do this project together! The concept is really simple. Post one picture of something that makes you happy for 100 days in a row! I really enjoy doing it and it certainly does make me think about all the things I have to be thankful for.
We are 25% done!
Check out the website! http://100happydays.com/
(and go like my pictures on instagram! ;) )
Alrighty, I’ve neglected tumblr for quite a while now. Frankly, after work and on my days off, I want to do nothing but vegetate. In some ways, it is catharsis after a long and exhausting senior year. But anyway, here goes my midpoint check-in on my ER externship in Houston!
Coming into this externship experience, I already knew I was going to be stretched. I can always sense when God wants to stretch me. How right could I be? Pretty darn right… (unfortunately?) I am growing tremendously as a nurse and as a human being. With each shift, I learn so much. Sometimes I thrive when I see patient so thankful and happy for the small things I do. But there are also days where I am only frustrated with what I see. I see cycles of poverty. I see consequences of sin. I see the need for God in people’s lives so very much.
Words cannot capture the sinking feeling when someone is laying there ashen gray in a code (code = cardiac arrest). Ventilator pushing oxygen into lungs who rejects it. Then to do useless CPR and not having the courage to look at her lifeless face. The deafening silence when the doctor calls it and all the beeping and monitors are off. To make matters worse, she was young and beautiful. And she did it to herself. I don’t even know how to describe the father’s face other than it wrenched my heart. It was just not right. There was something really wrong.
Thankfully, this doesn’t happen everyday. It was just one of the more intense episodes of my experiences thus far.
I expected ER nursing to be hard. But to experience how it messes with your heart and emotions is a different story. It’s exhausting for sure and I can see why people become burned out or they distance themselves. But I really don’t want to have a hardened heart. I don’t want to become apathetic or depersonalized. I only want to be increasingly compassionate, loving, and caring. I know it’s going to be an ongoing fight and it requires complete dependence on the Lord and constant refilling of patience and love from Him, because I have little of my own.
that never works.
Penn’s 258th Commencement Speech By John Legend
The main message that has resonated in me from John Legend’s graduation speech is that I am called to live my life passionately driven by love and not fear.
"Passion gets you a lot further. It makes you a better entrepreneur, a better leader, a better philanthropist, a better friend, a better lover."
"Love yourself, love your work, love the people around you."
"Pursue this life of love with focus and passion and ambition and courage. Give it your all. And that will be your path to true success."
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